Int. Hospital Day
A frenzied scene as nurses race into a procedure room. In contrast, the DOCTOR BROWN is calm. He snaps on his gloves with a loud smack.
NURSE JEN
Doctor, thank goodness you’re already here! The patient's appendix is on the verge of bursting, we have no time to lose!
DOCTOR BROWN slowly walks over and begins surveying tools.
NURSE JEN What do you need, doctor?
DOCTOR BROWN shrugs.
DOCTOR
I’m just getting in the zone.
NURSE MARK
Don’t you think you should already be there?
NURSE JEN
Not to rush you, doctor, but we only have maybe thirty minutes—”
DOCTOR
An hour.
NURSE JEN
No, I’m pretty sure it looks around thirty minutes, maybeless—
DOCTOR BROWN [grabbing and inspecting scalpel]
Yeah, I get double time.
NURSE MARK
Double time? What ‘s that supposed to mean?
DOCTOR
It’s a disability accommodation Mark. They really let anyone be a nurse these days. What are you, a DEI hire?
NURSE MARK
I’m white!
DOCTOR
I meant cuz you’re a man.
NURSE JEN
Doctor, his appendix is showing signs of impending rupture! You have to start the surgery now or else it could burst.
DOCTOR
Guys [he holds out both hands to silence them] I know what I’m doing. I am a high qualified doctor. I just have slow executive functioning. I need some processing.
NURSE MARK
What is there to process?
DOCTOR
Your decision to be a male nurse? Actually usually I get a private room too, so why don’t you guys clear the area.
NURSE JEN
Doctor, that’s not what we’re supposed to—
DOCTOR BROWN shoos them away. Reluctantly they go behind the observation window. DOCTOR BROWN takes a deep breath and closes his eyes, then makes some incisions and seems to get to work, before suddenly starting to shake back and forth. This goes on for a moment before NURSE JEN presses the speaker button from behind the window.
NURSE JEN
Uh, DOCTOR BROWN?
He ignores her
NURSE JEN
DOCTOR BROWN, whatcha doin?
DOCTOR BROWN [opening eyes and picking up scalpel once more]
I needed a break. I get unlimited breaks as needed.
NURSE MARK
Yeah, well the patient is just open on the table.
DOCTOR BROWN BROWN
Do you not understand what accommodations are? I need—
Suddenly, JOHN, the patient, rubs his eyes and sits up a bit.
JOHN Oh, hey everyone. Did everything go all—
He notices incisions in his stomach and yelps, slamming down.
NURSE JEN
Oh no! Paging anesthesiologist to surgical…[continues in background]
NURSE MARK (entering surgery room)
You took so long he woke up! Accommodate that!
DOCTOR BROWN
This is not an environment ideal for focus—
NURSE JEN
Anesthesiologist is on his way, but the appendix—
JOHN (sobbing) WHERE IS MY STOMACH
DOCTOR BROWN
I STILL HAVE 45 MINUTES—
NURSE MARK (grabbing scalpel)
IF YOU WON'T DO IT, I WILL
DOCTOR BROWN
You can’t do it, you’re a nurse! A male nurse!
Suddenly, the chaos is broken by a loud pop and explosion of liquid from JOHN’s stomach. His appendix has burst, covering all the medical staff. A beat of silence.
JOHN
I am suing you the minute I get out of here!
DOCTOR BROWN
Actually, I’ll need two minutes.
End.