I'm Your SEC Dorm Decorator. Welcome In!

Well hello there! I bet you’re just in a tizzy about college move in season for you precious little one. There’s so much to do when your daughter is heading to the big ol’ U of A! That’s why I’m here—so that you darling little miss can focus on getting those roots touched up with Alabama blonde and finalizing her rush outfits while we set up her dorm with a stylized touch. For all dorm design, we have a four step plan. 

First, you’ll book us the moment that acceptance letter arrives in the mail. This way, we can start off our consultation process, which usually requires a few months of collaboration. We’ll start by observing your daughter’s daily life, from the way she dresses to the length of her extensions and the amount of money her daddy makes! Then, we’ll have a long meeting–with her parents, of course— to discuss things like color palette, personal style, and necessary utilities. After this, we’ll disregard everything said and set you up with one of our customizable moodboards in baby pink, tangerine orange, or a combination of the two, before moving on to step two. 

As school season gets closer, we’ll begin purchasing and even hand-making furniture and decor for your daughter’s dormitory. Since you’ll be preparing for rush, you’ll be booked and busy with spray tans, facials, rush coach meetings, color consultations, shopping, getting of that extra tummy, dirty rushing, cleansing the isntagram— you’ll be busier than a one-armed bayonet twirler. But rest assured, we won’t bother you with options. We’ll make all the decisions ourselves. In fact, if you reach out, we might just leave you on read and wondering if you’ve been scammed. Don’t worry, you haven’t! At least not in our opinion!

Step three will happen on moving day. While most girls will be busy unpacking, you’ll be free to make new friendships—and more importantly, sorority connections—while  we set up your curated dormitory. For a small extra fee of six thousand dollars, we’ll arrive early and take over your roommate's side as well to keep the whole room looking unified! Here at A-love-bama Dorm Design, we treat every client like family. That means my ten year old daughter will make illustrations and crafts for your walls, and I’ll make sure to include up to three framed and signed photos of my LSU football-playing son, who would be more than happy to go out with you as long as you don’t mind complete and total abstinence! Every dorm is complete with monogrammed blankets, towels, and signage with my initials so you never forget me, and a beautifully carved wooden sign with my instagram handle. This will be screwed into the wall.

After that, we’ll be all done, and it’s time to show you around. We ask all clients to come with make up on and we will provide a link to a suitable workout set that matches the room. Keep in mind we will be filming content such as your reaction, and while we prefer genuine joy, we’re happy to provide information on local acting classes as well. Once in the room, we’ll give you a guided tour of all the little details, like the ottoman with a secret compartment perfect for storing large glass bottles of unsweetened ice tea and the underbed storage, which my son uses as a place to hide his naked teammate whenever we surprise visit! For this part of the service, we ask that any roommates wait outside, and it's also customary that you bring a little something for my daughter, for all her troubles. After that, we’ll say our goodbyes, although I will make sure to check in monthly for any sisters, half-sisters, step-sisters, cousins, nieces, daughters (there's no shame!), neighbors, classmates, friends, sisters-in-law, or anyone else in need of my services! Do remember, we’re also quite reputable in decorating for vacation homes, second-family homes, secret-family homes, the home for when the husbands in the doghouse, the doghouse, the cat house, the girl cave, sweet sixteen gift house, and events such as weddings, birthdays, funerals, divorces, Christian bat mitzvahs, baptisms, graduations, drop-out celebrations, baby showers, teen-mom baby showers, and of course, Sorority Recruitment Celebrations. Just call, and remember,

We A-LOVE-bama you!*

*for only $3000/hour, you can use our iconic slogan for any purpose you need, except please nothing Jewish or Muslim or Abortion.