New York State DMV Learner's Permit Test

Please answer the following multiple choice questions to the best of your ability. You must achieve a score of 60% or higher to pass. 

Driving at night is: a) Bad (adj. ungood) b) Super duper fun! c) The perfect time to take a nap d) Ok as long as you stop if you’re tired

When the light is red, you should: a) Go! b) Pray c) Cry d) Stop

A police car is behind you. You should: a) Chug the rest of that vodka so it doesn’t see! b) Speed up exponentially c) Cry d) Pull over

You [car a] are speeding on an circulatory intersection with a diameter of 19.7 ft. If each lap around the intersection causes a 14% increase in speed and you start going 63 miles per hour, how long until you crash into the car 19 feet in front of you on the same intersection?  a) 1.4 seconds b) 1.32 seconds c) 0.86 seconds d) Soon enough that you don’t have time for this math

Before turning left, you should: a) Turn signal right to keep people on their toes.  b) Lick your lips, make the sign of the cross, and floor the pedal c) Cry d) Turn signal left

In the movie "Talladega Nights” Ricky Bobby’s father tells him “if you’re not first you're last.” Ricky internalizes this mantra, motivating him to become a celebrated race car driver, but later finds out that his dad only said it because he was high. Are you allowed to be high while driving? a) Yes, as long as you're not drunk b) Yes, but only on marijuana c) Yes, on anything except marijuana d) No

When driving, you hands should be: a) In the air, like you just don’t care b) Down your pants c) On the thigh of the girl in the passenger seat, the one who’s name you’re already forgetting as you palm the tight denim of her skinny jeans, feel her heat through fabric. d) On the steering wheel

Imagine you are driving a trolley, and the brake cuts out. Ahead of you, there are five people tied to one track and one person who you know tied to another. A stranger is i control of the lever. Do you: a) Phone a friend (but not the one on the track) b) Walk the plank c) Get ready for take off d0 Chugga chugga choo choo

This concludes your New York State Learner’s Permit Test. Your results are: a) Fail b) Bad c) Better luck next time d) uh-oh.